Exactly one year ago in this space, I penned a column titled “Beginning a Year of Lasts,” talking about Jayna’s upcoming senior year and all the last moments we expected to see as we began the journey as a family to see our firstborn graduate from high school. It was certainly a bit different than we expected, with some lasts arriving without us knowing it once the pandemic hit.
So now we begin a year of firsts. As I write my first draft, we’ve gotten back home from dropping Jayna off at Winona State University. Emotions swirl around me on this momentous day. Our daughter will have so many first experiences this year and throughout her college education. When that’s done, even more firsts await with job opportunities and potentially a family.
But first things first. Michelle and I are enormously proud of Jayna for all her hard work throughout high school. (Even Anton might begrudgingly admit some pride and admiration for his older sister.) All parents feel this way, I’m sure.
The last couple of weeks have been a flurry of a COVID-induced late graduation party, packing, and making a couple trips to Winona to drop off Jayna’s stuff in a very different way to move into college. WSU staggered times a week early for kids to move in most of their stuff so the actual move-in day isn’t nearly as much chaos and lack of distancing as is normal.
We were fortunate in that Jayna got a job as a desk assistant, so she moved in a day early since she has training for that job on the actual move-in day. We could help and not feel rushed as she unpacked the things she needed and decorated her room with Michelle’s help. As far as I could tell, for her first night on campus, it would just be her and the RA on her floor.
Every kid stays away from home as they grow up. But this is the first time to stay away for a long period of time. She has to stay on campus for at least two weeks before even thinking about coming home as the university tries to do a semi-quarantine and prevent an outbreak of the hated virus.
I’m picturing my daughter sitting on her bed, likely watching Netflix, and wondering when it will hit her that she’s not at home anymore. It hit us when we got home and saw all her things gone that had littered the living room over the past week. I actually had room to sit on the couch since she wasn’t sprawled across most of it. But it’s bittersweet, that’s for sure.
It’s tough. You do your best as a parent to raise your children and set them up with the skills and values to succeed. Then you have to set them loose. And even if you are confident your children will do fine, it’s still so very difficult to cut those apron strings. I’m sure she’ll call with a problem or a frustration or a worry. (Actually, she did while we were driving home, a problem easily fixed.) But still, you hope your children become self-sufficient, though that means they don’t need to see you every day.
But things are so different from when I went off to school. We don’t have to worry about running up a long-distance phone bill. We can call or text every day. We can Facetime or Zoom or Meet. When I left for college, I didn’t call my parents for a month and didn’t come back home until Thanksgiving. I was on my own and loving it.
And that’s what I hope for Jayna. She will meet new people. She will develop lifelong friendships. She will be inspired by professors. She will slog through some classes. She will do well in classes. She might perform below her standards when life gets stressful. She might meet the love of her life. She might have her heart broken. She will make connections that will help her get a job as a band director after college. She will grow as an adult.
No parent thinks they are old enough to have an adult child. No parent is probably ready for that time. We remember when we brought our kids home from the hospital and when they said their first words and took their first steps and went to kindergarten and broke a bone and scored a big basket and had a big hit and received awards and got a driver’s license and… graduated. All those things become a blur.
We might not be privy to all the firsts coming her way. Things move fast and furious in college. I wander about campus when we are in Winona, remembering my days there, and I find that I’ve forgotten a lot. I have tremendous memories of my days as a Warrior, but I also find myself messaging some of my college buddies, asking them questions if they remember certain people or events. I walked down the hallway to my old dorm room - it seemed much more narrow than I recalled.
Good luck, Jayna! We hope your firsts are memorable and help shape you in great ways in this next stage of your life. Just know that Mom and Dad are still always here, and we love you with all our hearts. You will be amazing!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is fomites, which means an inanimate object that can transmit germs, as in, “The college freshmen were encouraged at their orientation to avoid touching fomites as they walked around campus.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!