Let’s just start with this: the coronavirus pandemic is serious. There are people dying and suffering around the world. Still, we can’t go into freak-out mode. We’ve all been told ways to stay healthy and safe. At the same time, I always believe finding ways to smile and maybe even laugh are important.
Saturday Night Live is known for doing a good job of that. After 9/11, they were one of the first shows to go back on the air, because people needed to laugh.
“Weird Al” Yankovic is one of my favorite musicians. He’s known for writing parodies of songs, taking the music and changing the lyrics for a different message. Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook have seen me attempt that this past week in an effort to bring a smile. Thanks to my wife Michelle for inspiring me to try it.
So here’s something different for my column: parody song lyrics about corona. I dare you not to get one stuck in your head!
The first one I tried was “The Bare Necessities” from The Jungle Book.
I need the bare necessities
I really need some TP
Forget about the hoarders ruining my life
I mean the bare necessities
I’d rather not use leaves from trees
Bring me the bare necessities of life
Wherever I wander
Wherever I roam
I can’t find any TP
In store or home
The trucks are racing to the stores
And hoarders show up to get some more
The bare necessities of life won’t come to you!
The next song is “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper.
Well, we got no choice
All the girls and boys
Now there's no more noise
'Cause they took their toys
Well, they can't salute us or the flag
They've been sent home, what a drag
School's out for corona
But not forever
Virus will be cleaned to pieces
No more pencils, just Chromebooks
You'll still get teachers' dirty looks
Well, we've still got class
In Google Meet
And we'll still do work
We can't even think of a word that rhymes
School's out for corona
But not forever
Virus will be cleaned to pieces
No more pencils, just Chromebooks
You'll still get teachers' dirty looks
Out till summer?
Out till fall?
We'd still like to play some ball!
School's out for corona
We hope not until summer
Don't catch the fever
School's going online...
Maybe I’ll include some more in future columns, but I hope we can all come together and beat this virus sooner rather than later.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is microcephalic, which means small-minded, as in, “The microcephalic outlier decided not to follow all the instructions for the pandemic, still thinking it was a hoax.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!