It’s very possible you might be reading this on Valentine’s Day or nearby that Hallmark holiday. This is supposed to be a holiday about love, whether it’s the love we have for our family, a significant other, or chocolate.
A couple weeks ago, one of the readings we listened to in church was one most people are familiar with, even if you’re not much of a regular at weekend mass. The passage is from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, and it is used frequently at weddings. This is a portion talking about love.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
Ring a bell? But listening to our priest’s sermon, where he focused on this section, I was struck by how much more of this way of thinking we need in our world today. In the Gospels, Jesus talked about loving your neighbor and turning the other cheek. Paul’s writing continues this idea and makes it even more clear. Even if you’re not a religious person, these words can still apply to make our world a better place. Let’s break it down, piece by piece.
“Love is patient.” This might be the most difficult one, right off the bat. We can care for people plenty, but is our patience tried? Of course it is. People we love can still do things that cause us to pull out our hair. Whether it’s a spouse, a child, an aging parent, or a neighbor, we all lose patience with others. Maybe we need to be better at reigning in our thoughts and actions and allowing things to play out before we lose our patience. The chores will get done, the phone call will get made, the lawn will get mowed.
“Love is kind.” If we want to treat everyone with kindness, that would go a long way to solving many problems. When the kindness is not reciprocated, it becomes more difficult though, doesn’t it? But look at the wonderful people in history who were kind to everyone, even if they were spat upon or ridiculed or assaulted.
“It is not jealous.” We love others, but have to allow them to be in the spotlight sometimes. We can give them the chance to shine and love them all the more for it.
“It is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests.” How is love pompous or inflated or rude? This could do with making more of your loving relationship than is necessary in front of those who are struggling in that area. This could also be showing off your popularity and taking it too seriously. That will eventually go away for many people, especially athletes and movie stars, so it’s important to take that with a grain of salt.
“It is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.” The first part of this might relate back to the patient part. Sometimes the people we know and love the best might be easier to snap at; we assume they know what will make us angry and should know better. Maybe we’re the side that’s in the wrong. We can’t let those feelings overwhelm us; if there’s a problem, work together to solve it.
That’s such an important part of a loving relationship. It’s easy to do things you enjoy together and get along. When tough times arise, as they inevitably will, how can you keep working together? That’s the true test of love. And we certainly shouldn’t relish if something goes wrong for someone we love but we’re in the clear. Whether it’s your spouse, your child, your parent, or your friend, if the other one has problems, so do you. Rejoice together when the problem is solved together.
“It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” So much goes into our relationships, and though there are different elements to each one, true love of family and neighbor and friend will withstand the strongest storms. Because we have to believe and hope that we have the strength and dedication to endure those storms. We have to know our love is true and strong.
“Love never fails.” Unfortunately, we all know situations where that has not seemed true. Life is difficult and it seems that, at times, a true love fails and disappears. The pain associated with that must be immense, but that’s when we need to use our other loving relationships to recover and use the strength of those to endure.
Now if this seems like a cross between a church sermon and an encounter with Dr. Phil, that wasn’t my intention when I started writing this column. I wanted to focus on making efforts to love others and, through that, make everyone’s lives better, spreading love through a world that seems so focused on hatred.
And looking back at what I wrote, that still applies. We might not love everyone around us the same way we do our family and friends, but we can still show the ideas of love to others, even if they are a small part of our everyday living. I know I need to do a better job of this. Perhaps, if that’s what Valentine’s Day was about, I’d be more inclined to pay it heed.
So let’s try that. Let’s try to make Feb. 14 more about caring about everyone and showing the patient, kind love Paul talked about 2000 years ago. And after doing that on Feb. 14, let’s continue every day on the calendar.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is turophile, which means a lover of cheese, as in, “The turophile never got chocolate on Valentine’s Day, but rather received plenty of gouda.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!