I had the opportunity to clean out my desk at school while Jayna was at volleyball practice recently. While doing so, I happened upon a plethora of post-it notes with some quotations. Over the years, when a student says or writes something hilarious, I make note of it. Now it’s time to share some of these kid-written items which have given me a chuckle while wading through papers. I’ll withhold names to protect the non-proofreaders, but know that some of these go back quite some time!
While writing about a character who was wounded, one student wrote, “He started to bleed eternally.” Wow, I don’t think a band-aid will fix that.
Another student was answering a question about an inability to read among some characters, but said this was “because no one on the island was literature.” Well, they are now!
One student was trying to put together questions for a school-wide game show we were going to hold and wrote, “How many testicles does a squid have?” I’m thinking the answer here is NOT eight.
In responding to a movie, a student postulated, “Some people might not like the fighting because it promotes violets.” If fighting brought us flowers, more people might try it!
Something that always gets me is when a student misspells a word that is actually part of the question. Case in point involved a question where I asked who the conflict of the story involved. The student’s response? “The conflict evolves a kid and his mom.” I guess growth in a character is good.
After losing a bet to my students about their standardized test scores, one star asked me in a note, “How did you feel after you died and cut your hair?” The death part wasn’t so great, but I did need a haircut.
One of the funniest class moments came while reading Tom Sawyer. I was explaining Jackson’s Island, the location where Tom and his friends run away. One student raised his hand and speculated it was hard to reach since it must be one of those floating islands. Huh?
After reading some non-fiction, one student was answering some questions about a nature selection and told me, “Rattlesnakes stay in golfer holes in winter.” I bet the gophers are glad they’ve moved!
In a persuasive paper about school lunch, a student who lived close to the school gave a strong opinion. “I think that kids should be able to go home if the lunch is grouse.” Funny thing is that we’ve never had grouse since then – the power of the pen!
Another student wrote about staying at a Bread and Breakfast, while one told the class that Euranium was the language spoken by people in Europe.
I had one student who battled sickness and ended up in Rochester often. She wrote, “When I got sick and was in Mayo, I met a lot of people who I licked that were very sick.” No wonder she kept going back!
Two common mistakes I’ve seen over the years are these two. At least every other year, I read about someone trying to use an escape goat. Even more often is reference to having a bomb fire. I’m glad I’m not invited to those parties!
One party I wouldn’t mind attending is the one where a student attended the national champion chip. I wonder if that’s before or after the Super Bowl.
Here are a couple that would make their mothers blush. A student wrote that the Loch Ness Monster is a breast that’s been hunted for a long time. Well, no wonder! Another student was writing about an event in her grandma’s life where she had to bring snacks for the members of the band. She wrote, “My grandma met her mother with the teats. Every band member grabbed two of them.” I guess they hadn’t found the Loch Ness Monster either.
I’ll end with some local geography. Class discussion led to how Vatican City is the smallest country in the world. One star said, “No, Hope has to be.” I told him that Hope is a city. “Yeah, but it’s in the country.”
If laughter is the best medicine, I should be healthy for some time!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is mumpsimus, which means a view stubbornly held despite evidence to the contrary, as in, “The student’s mumpsimus about his mistakes led to some humorous moments in class.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!