Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
Do you think man descended from apes?
Not my people.
Where did they come from?
Wales.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: My wife claimed it was an accident. The flushing of the toilet, that is. It wouldn’t have been a bad thing had I not been taking a shower at the time.
Duct-taping winter
It was cold. Minnesota cold. I was filling my car with gas. It wasn’t only cold, the wind was whipping and biting. A twenty-something woman came out of the convenience store, carrying a newly purchased roll of duct tape. She walked to the car parked on the other side of the gas pumps from me. She became busy attempting to duct tape her outside mirror back onto a red car. The mirror hung down from its wires. I’ll bet there was a story there. If you are in Minnesota, you do Minnesota things.
I considered my once long-cherished belief that red cars got more tickets than other cars. It was claimed by many that the eye-catching color caught the attention of police officers or that red cars appeared to be going faster than they really were. I was saddened to discover that there were no scientific studies to corroborate that belief.
"Do you need any help?" I asked. I have duct taped more than my share of things to other things. I always assume that people need help. We all do.
She determined that my question didn't need an answer, so she didn’t give me one. Perhaps her mind was fully occupied with her duct tape project and she had shut her ears off in order to save heat.
I don’t know if her efforts were successful or not, but I do know that duct tape curtails snoring.
The name game
I spoke at a delightful gathering of Lions in Green Isle. While enjoying a delicious repast there, I visited with a soon-to-be grandmother about the process of naming a baby. Nicknames, initials and possible inheritances must be considered. I recalled the song "The Name Game" by Shirley Ellis that went like this, "The name game! Shirley! Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley! Lincoln! Lincoln, Lincoln bo Bincoln Bonana fanna fo Fincoln Fee fy mo Mincoln, Lincoln! Come on everybody! I say now let's play a game. I betcha I can make a rhyme out of anybody's name. The first letter of the name, I treat it like it wasn't there. But a B or an F or an M will appear. And then I say bo add a B then I say the name and Bonana fanna and a fo. And then I say the name again with an F very plain and a fee fy and a mo. And then I say the name again with an M this time and there isn't any name that I can't rhyme. Arnold! Arnold, Arnold bo Barnold Bonana fanna fo Farnold Fee fy mo Marnold Arnold! But if the first two letters are ever the same, I drop them both and say the name like Bob, Bob drop the B's Bo ob. For Fred, Fred drop the F's Fo red. For Mary, Mary drop the M's Mo ary. That's the only rule that is contrary. Okay? Now say Bo: Bo. Now Tony with a B: Bony. Then Bonana fanna fo: bonana fanna fo. Then you say the name again with an F very plain: Fony. Then a fee fy and a mo: fee fy mo. Then you say the name again with an M this time: Mony. And there isn't any name that you can't rhyme."
It can’t hurt to give a prospective name a run through the name game. Not all names do well.
Customer comments
• Ric McArthur of Morpeth, Ontario, sent this, "I need to move to a place where the temperature doesn't go below my age."
• Jim Clark of Stevens Point wrote, "My wife Noni and I will be 80 this summer. I have never been this old before. For Valentine’s, I gifted her with a pedicure, as we are spending the month of March in Florida and I wanted her dogs to shine."
Nature notes
The Virginia opossum has been in Southern Minnesota for about 100 years, but its expansion into the metro and central areas of the state is more recent.
Meeting adjourned
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." - Dalai Lama