Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
I’d give $5000 to someone to do all my worrying for me.
I'll do it. Where's my $5000?
That's your first worry.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: don't take the scenic route if you don't have the time to look.
I’ve learned
It's always dullest before the yawn.
To forgive what I can't forget and to forget what I can't forgive.
Cheerful people have fewer colds. The surly bird catches the germ.
The cafe chronicles
He was a roll model down at the bakery and claimed to be the valedictorian of his class at the school of hard knocks.
He said, "I’ve finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left."
I enjoyed my visit. He offered the discernment of age mixed with the boldness of a boy. He had no plans for the day other than being there.
An episode from a marriage
My wife and I have a strange and wonderful marriage. I'm strange and she's wonderful.
I told her that there had been an earthquake during the night. It had given me quite a fright.
The same earthquake returned the next night. It turned out to be a young guy driving by in a Pontiac Grand Am with the windows rolled down and the bass of its radio turned way up.
Nearly raining at the gas pump
It was so cloudy, I couldn’t have given a bottle of suntan lotion away. I knew it was going to rain. Ants carried umbrellas. Butterflies formed rowing teams. Chipmunks wore lifejackets.
I played a spirited game of 20 questions with a gas pump. I pushed this button and that button. Once, I pushed the wrong button and had to start over. I wasn’t unhappy about that. My misbehaving forefinger made me happy that I hadn’t become a surgeon.
At the next pump was a young man wearing a T-shirt reading, "Will be quiet for $100. Will be awesome for free." Some folks can talk for an hour on any subject. He was one of those who could talk for an hour without any subject. He said that he’d been named employee of the year at his workplace. He added, "I work for my Grandma."
Beloved sweet corn
Our house looks lived in. The burners on the stove all work (that hasn’t always been the case), but the toilet handle needs jiggling. Our abode is a smile in siding and shingles. Things aren't perfect, but we get sweet corn.
Is the first sweet corn of the summer really that good or is it because we want it to be that good? Or is it a delectability enhanced by anticipation?
Working at the fair
I nodded at people walking by. I bobbed my head. I was pretending it was Al Batt bobblehead night at the fair. I struggled to get a signal good enough to return calls on my cellphone. I may have moaned and groaned.
"You don't own one, do you?" I asked the man sitting nearby, as I nodded or bobbed towards my cellphone.
The man smiled and replied, "No, but seeing how much enjoyment it brings you, I'm going to get one as soon as possible."
Adjusting the rearview mirror on an old address
I took driver training from Mr. Lillesve. He stressed the importance of adjusting the rearview mirror. All good driving instructors did that. I paid attention. Whenever anything goes wrong with my car--stuck in snow, won't start, etc.--I adjust the rearview mirror.
I received a letter improperly addressed. It carried a post office sticker telling me that I was fortunate that the letter had been delivered. It was my old address, the one I’d had before the county moved me from Rural Route 1 to a 911 address that’s supposed to make it easier for others to find me whether I want to be found or not. I called the outfit that sent the letter. I’d requested a change of address many times over the years.
"What do I have to do to change the address on my account?" I asked.
"Move," replied the customer service representative.
Did you know?
During its five seasons, "The Brady Bunch" received marginal ratings, reaching number 34 in Nielsen ratings at its peak.
Nature notes
Leaves of three, let it be. Leaves of five, let it thrive. Poison ivy has three leaves, Virginia creeper five.
Meeting adjourned
"Forget injuries; never forget kindness." — Confucius