I know many people were looking forward to part two of my rant about parent behavior at ballgames, but sometimes things occur that need pondering, so you’ll have to wait a week.
My long-time readers know that I find solace in difficult times through writing (See: my dad’s heart attack, Sandy Hook, etc.), which is why I’ve taken keyboard in hand to talk about a tragic passing.
I was barely a member of NRHEG a month when I experienced the first death of a student, Amada Motl. I hardly knew what to do, so I just had my high school students write about their memories of her. A couple years later, one of my first seniors, Anne Broitzman, was killed in a car accident. At the wake, Gary Nordlie, former English teacher, told me to expect plenty of these during my career.
I couldn’t believe it. Sure, there might be an occasional accident, but there couldn’t be that many. Sadly, that thought was wrong, as it seems like an average of one student/former student a year has passed from us. It gets more difficult each time, since the longer you’re in a community, the more people you know and the more you really care about all these people, even if you don’t know them well.
Our communities have certainly come together in good times (building new schools, state basketball tournaments) and bad (tornadoes, floods, deaths), and that’s something I love about NRHEG. As I think back to the wakes and funerals of kids like Steph Hanna, Bryan Kormann, Matt Wilson, Amanda Ryan, Jake Bushlack, Russell Witke, and Dylan Johnson, as well as others that don’t pop into my head right now, I remember most the great outpouring of emotions.
Seeing students in a vulnerable state is extremely difficult. So is having them see you that way. Still, we are all human, and these emotions help connect us. I’m known as a man of many words, but I tend to be at a loss of what to say at a wake. Everything seems so clichéd, but I know from experience that every kind word helps, and when you’re on the other side of the receiving line, nothing seems clichéd.
And now Markus Misgen. I won’t pretend that I knew Markus well; he was just getting ready to experience the world of 7th grade English this year. However, I’ve known the family for some time, and I had his older brother Payton in class last year.
Markus had his locker right near my classroom door last year, so I saw him multiple times every day. He never said much, and getting a smile out of him or even a hello was my goal most days. Seeing him play the lead in Aladdin last spring was amazing – who was this kid? I barely ever heard a peep, yet there he was, a natural in the spotlight on stage.
I sat last night as sleep evaded me and tried to imagine life without one of my kids. It certainly didn’t help me fall asleep. As parents, we only get one shot with each of our children, and we have to make the most of it.
I just heard a commercial on the radio yesterday about how kids whose parents spend time with them achieve more and stay out of trouble more than those who rarely see and interact with their parents. It comes back to me now as I think that we probably can’t spend enough time with our kids. Work and other activities call us away often, so we should enjoy as much as we can with them.
We don’t know how long we have with each other. I vow to enjoy every tedious piano lesson I sit through and every easy game of checkers I’ll win against my kids. I pray that everyone pulls together again and helps the Misgens, not just now, but in the more difficult times ahead when most people move on with their lives. Check back in with people who have lost someone a couple months from now, a year from now.
And most importantly: hug your family members. Tell them you love them. You might not get another chance.
In the spirit of enjoying every moment, a very happy birthday to my wonderful wife, Michelle. You are my lobster, and my life is infinitely better with you in it.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is abnegation, which is to be selfless, as in, “The community showed great abnegation in helping the bereaved family.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!