I don’t mind shopping, really I don’t. I just can only handle it in short bursts.
Grocery shopping or swinging by Walmart for some items is no sweat. However, for one day a year, I bear down and join Michelle on a trip to Mankato to take care of all our Christmas shopping.
That’s how I spent the Saturday following Thanksgiving, on an express shopping extravaganza to take care of all the gifts in one fell swoop.
Our goal is to finish off as much shopping as possible. Michelle is very prepared: she has a list of everyone we need to get a gift for and lists of possible desires of each of those people. This helps as we map out our plan of attack on the trip over. We generally hit Gordman’s and Kohl’s before lunch, and then the mall waits for us after we eat.
It doesn’t take long at the River Hills Mall for hunger to kick in and start to drag me down. Or maybe it’s the hoards of people shuffling through the walkways. And that’s when I see them: the men in the middle of the mall.
These men are all shapes, sizes, and ages. They are sprawled on various benches, couches, and massage chairs in between stores.
Some are surrounded by bags of previous purchases. Some are in as comfortable a position as you can attain on one of those seats, trying to close their eyes and rest.
Some look like the zombies on The Walking Dead, with that glazed-over look in their eyes and a slack jaw that would indicate a state of catatonic confusion.
Let’s face it. Whoever decided to put these seats in the middle of the mall was brilliant. Any man who has been shopping with a woman knows an argument will inevitably occur about whether to buy something or not based on the price.
The female wants it, the male doesn’t. “Do we really need that?” or “That’s too expensive” are common refrains in this situation.
However, by removing the man from the equation, the woman is free to just buy whatever she wants, without that vital input we men provide. And men are lured to these oases like a fly to manure.
The addition of massage chairs was even more brilliant. Now, not only are the women spending more in the stores, but the men are also spending money on the chairs!
I’ve found myself among these other gentlemen from time to time, when the wear and tear of too much shopping in one day has taken its toll. That vacant look is almost contagious; it doesn’t take long to join in the group of mindless men, gazing at absolutely nothing.
When Michelle rejoins me in those situations, I don’t want to ask what she got. If it means a couple more items crossed off the list, that’s what counts. And thus, the mall has won again!
In all reality, I do enjoy this day with Michelle. It’s a good time together with my wife and helps me appreciate all she brings to my life. Even if I am more tired than after a week with teenagers in my classroom!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is alacrity, which means moving quickly and with great speed, as in, “The shoppers moved with alacrity during Black Friday to avoid becoming black and blue from collisions.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!