As the door greeter at the Central Freeborn Lutheran Church on Sundays, some mornings are really cold. On one of those negative-temperature Sunday mornings, I decided to conduct a survey of the males over 20 years of age as they entered the church. My survey question was, “What do you like about long johns?”
Many times, the answer was, “They are really good with a hot cup of coffee and a donut, especially those with a filling like those you can get at Nancy Jane’s Bakery in New Richland.” Other answers were, “They’re for wimps,” or “Only at a home Vikings football game are they O.K.”
Of all the males surveyed, only two were presently wearing the full-body long johns undergarment (I was one of the two).
You can purchase a full or half (up to the waist) pair of long johns. The reason they are called long johns (plural) – because of two legs (per Webster’s Dictionary). The long johns’ usual colors are red, white, gray, blaze orange or camouflage.
I have a pair of camouflage for bow or blaze orange for rifle to wear if it is very cold during deer hunting. At the same time, I carry two red corncobs and one white one. The white one is to see if I need another red one or not.
When it is very cold, and I’m not deer hunting, I have a red pair with a flap on the backside that I unbutton if needed. The red one is of the old design of about 50 years ago with a hero sewn on the front chest. Mine has Superman.
To get a visual of the old design, I suggest you stop in at Dad’s Good Stuff in New Richland. Wayne has a pair of old red long johns with Roy Rogers sewn on the front. Stop in only on a warm day, as otherwise he might be wearing them.
Trivia question: How many buttons on the flap in the back of an old pair of red long johns? (Answer at the end of this column.)
Things you should know this time of the year:
1. A continuous small stream of water will help keep your inside water pipes from freezing.
2. A wet tongue needs no glue to attach itself to an outdoor piece of metal.
3. The year is 2016.
4. The groundhog will decide the rest of winter on February 2.
5. February has 29 days this year.
6. As of January 23, I’m in practice for a year to become a full-fledged octogenarian.
7. The answer is none. The flap has only button holes.
Bob is a retired AAL (Aid Association for Lutherans) agent, currently working on his master’s degree in Volunteering. His wife, Genie, is a retired RN, currently working on her doctor’s degree in Volunteering. They have two children, Deb in North Carolina, and Dan in Vermont. Bob says if you enjoy his column, let him know. If you don’t enjoy it, keep on reading, it can get worse. Words of wisdom: There is always room for God.