Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting
I wish I had my good suit to wear to the banquet.
Where is your good suit?
I loaned it to my cousin a couple of years ago.
Why don’t you get it back from him?
It’s not worth digging him up just for that.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I thought of something a friend had told me. He’d said that it was snowing up in Alaska. That was an incredible thing. It snows down here, whenever it snows, except when a strong wind causes it to snow sideways. Snowing up would be a good thing. There would be no shoveling involved.
The cafe chronicles
Men who are bad at math were throwing dice to see who’d buy the coffee. One reminded another that he’d hit a cow on the way to the second man’s wedding. That happened over 47 years ago, but he liked to remind him of it regularly.
One of the breakfast philosophers said that it was amazing how old you become when you don’t lie about your age. “I’ll be back for lunch. I see the special is chili. Will it give me heartburn?” he asked a server.
The waitress replied, “You leave a 50-cent tip and you expect medical advice?”
From the music department
I once lived in Minneapolis because of family. They didn’t live in Minneapolis. They wanted me to live at least that far away from home.
My son Brian lives in New Ulm because he wants to. He and his wife have five children. We got together for a good meal at the Red Leaf Cafe and the talk turned to music. Brian likes The Eagles and I tend to side with The Dude, a character in the movie, “The Big Lebowski,” who wasn’t a big fan of that group. In an effort to claim that I appreciated musical diversity, I said I enjoyed the band named Buffalo Springsteen. I meant, “Buffalo Springfield.” I’d managed to combine Buffalo Springfield and Bruce Springsteen.
I’ll have to limit my future rock conversations to The Who. That’s a name that is easy to remember.
Thanksgiving in hindsight
I’m sure this has happened to many people. Well, maybe not many people, but it’s likely happened to a few. Perhaps not a few, but a couple must have had it happen to them. Now that I think about it, it might not have happened to anyone.
My sister-in-law, Glenda, was wielding an aerosol can of whipped cream as she added sweet insulation to the roof of a slice of pumpkin pie. The aerosol can had a mean streak and it sprayed me. I was an innocent bystander, busily pondering the delights of pumpkin pie, when I was splattered with whipped cream. It didn’t hurt me any. I needed sweetening.
Glenda has always been good at sharing.
In local news
Procrastinators' Club postpones monthly meeting — again.
Halfway house stalled at 50 percent completion.
Judge eats trial mix in courtroom.
Virginia opossums live in woodlands and agricultural areas. An opossum's naked ears, nose and tail are susceptible to frostbite. They spend their days in hollow logs, tree cavities, dens in the ground, brush piles or under buildings. Opossums don’t dig, so they inhabit burrows created by other animals such as groundhogs. Some opossums travel considerable distances at night. When threatened, opossums click their teeth and growl, but when cornered, they may fall into a deathlike state and secrete a foul-smelling scent. This is called "playing possum." We’ve all done that. Opossums are opportunistic omnivores, eating fruits, worms, snakes (opossums are resistant to the venom of poisonous snakes like rattlesnakes), eggs, nuts, rodents, snails, slugs, birds, grains, ticks, pet food and garbage. The famous comic strip character, Walt Kelly’s Pogo Possum, said, "We have met the enemy and he is us," that became a rallying cry for a generation of conservationists. Opossums have met the enemy and it is the automobile. They are one of the sanitation workers of the wild, but because of an appetite for roadkill, they are often hit by automobiles. Opossums have a remarkable ability to find food and to remember its location, being better at this than are rabbits, rats, cats or dogs. Aunt Ingeborg had an opossum that visited her front porch steps nightly to feed from her pets’ plates. Ingeborg looked forward to the opossum’s visits.
“A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.”—Joseph Joubert