Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting
You think people don't like you? Have you tried a little kindness?
Yes.
What did that get you?
Suspicion.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: We all have those days where we’re not sure if we’re coming or going. My brother-in-law, Duane Swenson, reminded me of a fellow we knew years ago who had a door on each end of his garage so that he never had to back out. He might not have known if he was coming or going, but he knew that he was moving forward.
Scene from a marriage
"Did you forget to shave?" my wife asked.
"No," I replied defensively.
"Did you use a mirror?"
"I did, but I got up so early, my mirrored image hadn’t reported to work yet."
We all have our pet peeves. Something that irritates us like a chainsaw scraping a blackboard at 3 a.m. The travel-sized shaving cream I use when on the road comes in an aerosol can. Sophisticated men maintain that only a fool uses anything other than a bar, tube or jar of shaving cream, but the can works for me. The nice thing about being a fool is that we have our own special day, April Fool’s Day.
I follow the directions. I wash my face with warm water and leave it wet. I shake the can, hold it upright and press the top to release lather.
The problem is that the shaving cream can is like a ketchup bottle. To quote Richard Armour, "Shake and shake the catsup bottle. None will come, and then a lot'll."
That’s how the foam is dispensed. It’s either too little or too much. I’ve declared it a pet peeve, but I refuse to hold it in contempt.
I changed the subject by whispering something soft and sweet in my wife’s ear: "Vanilla pudding."
The perils of parking
I visited a college to watch a granddaughter's athletic endeavors. Where to park? Most of the parking places were permit only. Signage was lacking. I had a friend in college who paid the same in parking fines as he did in tuition fees. He parked illegally and then raised the hood of his car in the hopes that the tow truck drivers would have a heart and take pity on him. They didn't. I recall coming home from college one weekend. I’d caught a ride with a buddy, leaving my car at school. A blizzard hit while I was home. My car was parked on the odd side of the street when it should have been on the even side. Or maybe it was on the even side of the street when it should have been on the odd side. No matter, it was on the wrong side. My car was towed as far from the university as possible without involving a barge or an airplane. I paid a fine, a tow charge and storage fees. The bill exceeded the vehicle’s value. An acquaintance, who claims to have anarchistic tendencies, picks a couple of laws that he likes and obeys them. I try to obey all laws.
I finally found a place to park. I parked legally away from any rusty, banged-up cars. I figure if drivers don't care what their cars look like, they won’t care if they dinged mine. I parked as far away from where I needed to be as my car would have been towed to if I’d parked illegally.
Pink hair
A small town I know suffered a spate of deaths in a short time at a rate that if continued would have wiped out its entire population within a year.
I waited in line to pay my respects at a visitation.
The woman just ahead of me was young, but wore the hair of someone younger. It was pink.
"I like your hair," I said, because that's all a man should ever say about a woman's hair. "How did you decide on the color?"
"My husband grew a beard," she answered. "I told him that he could grow a beard if I could dye my hair pink."
Nature notes
"Do crows mate for life?" Generally, unless a mate is killed or incapacitated. However, if a young pair bred unsuccessfully, they might break the pair bond and start seeing other crows. A divorce, corvid style.
Meeting adjourned
The more time you spend comparing your life to others, the less time you’ll have to enjoy yours. Be kind.