Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
Why aren’t you at work?
I may not be at work, but I’m thinking about work. I don’t know the meaning of the word "quit."
So why aren’t you at work?
I got fired.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: When a speaker says he doesn't need a microphone, he needs to use a microphone. "Deja you" is when you forget someone’s name again.
From those thrilling days of yesteryear
I was in the backseat, going for a Sunday drive with my parents. I had reached the age where I wasn't meant to play the part of a Sunday rider. Dad was driving the old Pontiac and he waved at another driver. He waved at everyone he met on gravel roads.
"Who was that?" my mother asked.
"I don't know."
"Well, you waved at him," my mother said.
"I wave at everyone."
"Was it the new preacher?" she asked.
"I don't think it was the new preacher. That was a new car. They don’t get paid that much."
Dad waved again. There was no other car on the road.
"Now who are you waving at?" Mom wondered aloud.
"I’m just practicing."
Sneezing thrice
The cat moved quickly as if she didn't want to hold up traffic. She catches mice, but is strictly catch-and-release. I’m not allergic to cats.
I sneezed in North Carolina. It’s not illegal and I’m not allergic to the state. I sneezed three times. That’s my regular sneeze number. I expected to hear "Bless you," "Gesundheit," or "Did anybody get hurt?" What I heard was, "Scat cat, your tail is in the gravy."
The Chihuahua chronicles
He was my constant companion. His name was Sancho. That Chihuahua accompanied me on work and birding trips for many years. Have you ever walked into a room and were unable to remember why you were there? Sancho lived his life that way, but he was happy being who he was and was a true friend. When I was rushed and used the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant to pick up a cup of tea, Sancho stared at the clerk at the drive-up window, adopting his cutest look. Invariably, the worker commented on how precious my little dog was and wondered if it’d be OK to give him a bit of hamburger. That was Sancho’s plan. Sancho had learned to beg without really begging. He was good at it. Other than rolling on dead carp, eating in my pickup was Sancho’s favorite thing.
Bitten by a rat. Rats!
I ate at a restaurant in Mankato offering asparagus fries. Two days earlier, I had been in a Newark, Ohio, eatery that had carrot-bacon soup on its menu. It sounded like something an aunt of mine had concocted. Whatever the kitchen provided, she threw together into the oddest of edible combinations. I met a fellow in Ohio who told me that, for years, he’d been the guy that the woodchuck whispered its winter forecast to on Groundhog’s Day. He quit when a groundhog bit him.
That reminded me of a friend who works in a pet store in North Carolina. A mother and her young child came into the store, wanting a safe and furry pet. He recommended a rat. He found them easy going and interesting. He took one out of a cage while stressing its sweet disposition. He’d nearly completed his puffery when the rat bit him on that flap of skin between the thumb and forefinger. Without thinking, he flung the rat, bouncing it off a hamster cage. The second the rat hit the floor, it made tracks. My friend, not wanting to lose inventory, dove to the floor and captured the unhappy rodent. He looked up to see a wide-eyed mother and her frightened son. They didn't buy a rat or anything else.
Nature notes
"Why don’t birds have ears like us?" Because they’re concerned about their looks. Just picture a robin with big floppy ears like ours. It’s not a pretty image. That robin wouldn’t dare show up for early worms. Birds have ear holes with feathers covering them. This cuts down on earring wear and wind noise. The feathers deaden the howl of the wind, helping birds to hear important sounds. The lack of external ears also aids aerodynamics. The sleeker the body, the less wind resistance.
Meeting adjourned
Be kind for no reason.