Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
I heard you were dead.
Well, I’m not.
Are you sure?
I’m right here in front of you. Who told you that I was dead?
Someone who isn’t nearly the liar that you are.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Normal people must be the ones I don't know very well.
The cafe chronicles
There were cups without handles and handles without cups.
The waitress presented our meals with, "Who gets the special with my thumb in it? Nobody swallow! I’ve lost a contact!"
Old Man McGinty, the youngest Old Man McGinty ever, who claims he’d been a human cannonball until he was fired from the job, had been hospitalized recently. He complained that the nurse kept waking him to give him sleeping pills. His doctor said that the mole on Old Man McGinty’s back looked suspicious so he called the police. Old Man McGinty is still working. His father worked until he was 102. He retired so he could enjoy his golden weeks.
The special was priced right, but the jury is still out on the food. It'll probably be found guilty of a misdemeanor.
Another day older and deeper in sweat
The weather turned warm before I was ready for it to stop being cold. I took a jacket because my mother had told me to always take a jacket. I shouldn’t always take a jacket.
My birthday was on St. Urho's Day. St. Urho and me. I don’t know how Urho celebrated, but I was given a free fountain beverage. Nice. I used to get a cake named after me, but now I get cherry pie for my birthday. That’s better.
This birthday means that I’m 10 years into my 5-year plan. I’m thankful for the grace of the years and hope for the wisdom of my new age. I’m trying to figure out how to become a better person. I pray that my days add up to something good.
I took woodworking in shop class in school. Anyone who finished the class with all of his fingers intact was guaranteed a grade of C. I still have all my fingers, all my teeth and my tonsils. That’s not bad.
I’ve had many friends and relatives who didn’t make it to my current age. I miss them. I’m pleased to still be here. Life is holding on and life is letting go.
I don’t ever want to regret not saying a small, good thing. Things like saying "thank you" for the free fountain beverage. Thank you.
The economy doesn’t understand economists either
An economist is someone who shoots an arrow 20 feet to the left of the target. Launches the next arrow 20 feet to the right of the target and then yells, "Bull’s-eye!"
Peter Weinstock, a lawyer from Dallas, said, "Economics was created to give astrology more credence."
Chris Kuehl of Kansas City is an economist and said that meteorologists make economists look good. He added that economics is the science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn’t come true today.
Customer comments
• Mark Holt of Converse, Indiana, said this about the NCAA tournament, "It wasn’t if or when Purdue would lose, it was how."
• Daniel Otten of Hayward is a Nebraska fan. His wife Kim is a Minnesota fan. Daniel says that when the Cornhuskers play the Gophers, somebody wins.
• Cass Bettinger moved from Utah to an area of Mexico where it's 75-80 degrees all year. He said, "I’ve reached an age where I don’t do winter well anymore."
• Mike Petersen of Byron said, "If you collect tractors, never line them up in rows. That makes it too easy for your wife to count them."
• While I visited his state, Bob Walters of Austin, Texas, told me, "The difference between a Yankee and a damn Yankee is that a damn Yankee comes to Texas and stays."
I had a brain cramp
In my haste to thank the amazing talent that appeared at the Groove for Food at Trinity Lutheran recently on behalf of the New Richland Area Food Shelf, I left Melissa Williams off the list. That was an unforgivable omission on my part because her stirring voice is unforgettable.
Nature notes
"What is the difference between horns and antlers?" Horns are found on bovids — sheep, goats, cows and bison. Antlers are on cervids--deer, elk, moose and caribou. Horns aren’t deciduous. Antlers are shed each year and a new set grows in time for the mating season. Horns can grow on both male and female members of a species. Antlers grow almost exclusively on males, female caribou being the exception.
Meeting adjourned
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." – Dalai Lama