Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
"I watched the original 'True Grit' the other day. It was good, but John Wayne is really beginning to show his age."
"John Wayne is dead."
"Oh. Well, then he looked pretty good."
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: All my life, I've been told that there is no such thing as bad weather. There is just bad clothing. I would add that there are bad weather forecasts, too.
Armed teachers
The coach was like Marlin Perkins of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom and we were a bunch of Jim Fowlers. We ran up The Hill like Jim trying to perform a root canal on a gigantic crocodile in Australia while Marlin attempted to sell insurance from the safety of an office in Nebraska. There is much talk about arming our teachers. I hear viewpoints that are pro and con. Teachers carrying weapons is an interesting concept. I want you to think about all of the teachers and coaches you’ve had in your life. Would you have wanted all of them to be armed?
My John Hancock
My wife was off manning the Art Center. I suppose she was actually gal-ing the art gallery. I went to the cafe, where I met a fellow wearing a Minnesota toupee (a gimme cap advertising a seed corn company). The man told me that his name was Duane M. I. Olson. He was one of those fellows who had no indoor voice. After we talked a bit, I was brave enough to ask him what M. I. stood for. He told me that it stood for Middle Initials.
He asked me if I’d ever thought about going by my first initial and my middle name. I hadn’t. Have you? How does it sound if you went by your initials. I’d be A. E. Initials are an important consideration when naming a baby. It’s nearly as important as naming your dog something you are comfortable shouting out the door of your house.
I signed some official documents recently. My name on the forms included my middle initial. I was asked to add that middle initial in my signature. I did. I don’t incorporate the middle initial in my normal signature. That action messed up my messy signature for a few days. There was a bit of indecision each time I scrawled my name. The E wanted in.
Memories of mother
My mother was about 5 feet tall. She claimed to have been an inch taller, but that might have been wishful thinking. I grew taller than that because of my mother’s gift of encouragement. I stand somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 feet, 4 inches. I’d have been taller, but I was more afraid of heights than widths.
A woman looked up at me and said to my mother, "I can’t believe you have a son that big."
Mom smiled and replied, "Well, he wasn't that big when I had him."
Reading the walls
Donald and Glenda Batt of Hartland have this framed and hanging on the wall of their home, "How could I be what I’m not when I have a hard time being what I already am?"
Did you know?
An AARP study showed that the happiest people watch less than an hour of TV a day. University of Maryland researchers concluded that very happy people read the newspaper. Prevention magazine recently cited newspaper reading as one of the things you can do to be happy.
Two to four percent of the world's population has red hair.
A Cornell University researcher found that junk food with green calorie labels is more likely to be perceived as a healthier product.
Nature’s World
"Do plastic owls work in discouraging birds?" They do. Sometimes for as long as a few days. Sometimes for as long as 15 minutes. An owl effigy works to block a nesting or feeding area, but so would a stuffed monkey or a plastic shopping bag. Birds quickly figure out that it’s not a real owl. I’ve seen a crow, mourning dove, robin, grackle, etc. perched on such owls. I’ve watched a flicker hammering on a plastic owl, attempting to turn it into a resonant instrument for declaring territory. Some of the owls are nicely done, but unless you are collecting artwork, save your money.
Meeting adjourned
Karen Berg of Fountain sent one of my favorite Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes, “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”