Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
"It feels as if this is last year."
"That’s because you didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions. Mine is to stop putting my foot in my mouth. I’ll bet yours is to lose 100 pounds."
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I remember when I knew more than my phone.
I’ve learned
It’s not difficult to be overdressed.
Honesty is the best policy — unless you want to be elected.
The Mayans taught us that a calendar isn’t the end of the world.
It’s the cold and flu sneezin’
My son recovered from the flu, but claims to have dirt under his fingernails from clawing his way from the grave.
I was heartened to see his miraculous recovery. I remember boarding one of those "Get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on" buses. It was overcrowded. I stood next to an older woman on the bouncing vehicle. As the blocks passed slowly, I noticed a young man, seated, with his eyes closed. "Are you O.K.?" I asked. "Are you ill?”
"No, I’m O.K.," he replied. "I just hate to see an old lady have to stand."
The cafe chronicles
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That’s when retired guys decide whether to go back to bed or not. The rest of us talk about what kind of jobs we want after we retire. The retired lot claimed that getting older is a walk in the park. One of those parks where no one picks up after their dogs. We talked of hybrid cars we’d owned that ran on gasoline and prayers.
Unrelated dog tales
I spoke in Indianapolis and met a man covered in leather. So much leather that the Hoosier State must be devoid of cows. He wore only one glove. Either he’d lost one or it was a very narrow cold front. He held a tiny dog. It was a miniature Doberman pinscher. I asked him, "How much smaller will it get?"
I watched another man walk on the ice of a Minnesota lake. The man looked cold. He moved with the shuffle of one tormented by a brisk wind. I watched a dog run to the man. The happy hound bounded about, wagging its tail. The dog didn’t want to be the man. Dogs are great companions because they are happy being a dog.
Did you know?
A Public Policy Polling survey showed that Congress is less popular than head lice, cockroaches, Donald Trump, root canals, traffic jams, brussels sprouts, and colonoscopies. It is more popular than John Edwards, the Kardashians, telemarketers, and Lindsay Lohan.
Customer comments
Brad Edwin of Albert Lea told me that a hockey game had been canceled because of ice.
Rich Murray of Albert Lea passed along good advice to a family member. "Why am I working harder to resolve your situation than you are?"
Tom Stockwell of Burnsville told me that his dream is to have the lightbulb concession in Las Vegas.
Tom Benson of Hartland told me that there is a city in Faribault County that is so cold, it says "Frost" on its water tower.
I asked Don Lau of Glenville if he goes south for the winter. Don lives in Minnesota not far from the Iowa border. He told me that he had driven south a few times, but if the weather was no better by the time he got to Kensett, Iowa, Don turned around and went home.
TGIF
Thank Goodness It’s February. My wife’s birthday is in February. I struggle to find suitable gifts. One year, we rode in the basket of a hot air balloon over a desert in Arizona. We did that so we could see what a desert in Arizona looked like from the basket of a hot air balloon. The flight was amazing. There was little sound. Landing was a drag. We landed in the desert and the basket, including us, was dragged for quite a distance. I don’t think it was a record, but it was memorable. Happy birthday, honey.
Nature notes
Shirley Gunderson of Albert Lea saw a bald eagle being mobbed by black-capped chickadees while it was perched in a tree. It presented a bizarre scene. The bald eagle was about 500 times the size of a chickadee. Why do birds mob raptors? Mobbing is a collective response to danger. The chickadees were either trying to drive off the eagle or calling attention to its presence.
Meeting adjourned
When patience ends, let kindness hold.